Digging Deeper

Let me just put this right out front. This post is about my faith journey with Fibromyalgia. Feel free to bail out now if this topic is not your cup of tea, because I’m passionate about my faith and make no apologies for it. I will not be offended and would much rather you opt out than try to debate me in the comments. My faith is not debatable.

Most of us go through life expecting it to be fairly predictable. When a diagnosis rocks our world, it’s easy to ask, “Why me?” Devoted believers and those not so prone toward religious faith, often default to this question. Don’t beat yourself up for asking it. I asked the question, had my little pity party and then God gave me a swift kick in the butt. He reminded me that I wasn’t exempt from trials and that He would be with me and use this one for His good. Yes, I felt a little chastised, but I knew for certain that He was my rock and I would need to lean on Him on this journey.

For those who don’t understand the impact that Fibromyalgia can have on a person’s life or quite frankly, don’t believe it’s even a real condition, this may seem like an extreme reaction. Because I wasn’t just told that I had cancer, a heart condition or any other life threatening condition. Fibromyalgia wasn’t going to kill me. This is true, but it certainly had the potential to drastically change my life, in ways I couldn’t even imagine at the time. I will forever tell people that no one, and I do mean no one including doctors can completely understand life with Fibro unless they have it themselves. This is one reason that after several years of only sharing with close friends and family, I decided to start this blog. The only way to help others appreciate Fibro’s impact is for those of us in the trenches to be more transparent. Living with an invisible illness means being unseen and unheard most of the time. If I hear “You don’t look sick” one more time, I will scream. I’m so tempted to reply like the meme says, “I don’t look sick? Hmm…you don’t look stupid either.” I’m going to opt for screaming and let them think whatever they choose. The other catch phrases that push my civility and kindness to the test are: “If you just _____, you will feel better.” “Just go to the doctor.” And…..”You’re not better yet?” Jesus, take the wheel and silence me! While I appreciate the concern, they just don’t get it. If you’re reading this as a friend or family member of a Fibro warrior, I hope you will take this as a strong reminder before you repeat these phrases, rather than being offended by me expressing my feelings and probably those of your Fibro person.

So, after my pity party and wake up call, I got busy digging deep into scripture to find strength. I wasn’t cracking open a brand new Bible. I had spent time in scripture for years and I knew that would be where I would find the peace and strength that I would need. If any of you have seen the movie, War Room, you will understand when I tell you that I began writing scriptures on index cards and taping them on the wall inside my closet. I wanted to be reminded of His strength and grace throughout each day. This simple gesture has made a powerful impact in my walk with the Lord down this Fibro path. Reading those scripture cards and writing them on my heart has given me an arsenal to strengthen my battle.

Today’s devotional reading led me to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. As I read it was as if the word Fibro was a flashing strobe light on the page. Everything about this scripture spoke to me and my situation. It reads: “Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Our feelings or circumstances should never determine our level of joy, prayer or thankfulness. That’s a hard pill to swallow for many of us, but it’s true. Bad things are going to happen to all of us, but God…. We can still be thankful for the good that God will work out using our trials. After visiting with other Christian friends and listening to my favorite Christian speakers, I know that no matter how strong our faith foundation may be, there will be times that doing what God requires here will still be a struggle. He knows that and gives us grace as we strive to follow His lead.

I’ve always loved music so I dove deeper into Christian music as another way to tap into my faith source. I blast praise music in my car and on my headphones. Other days are filled with hymns or gospel music. It all depends on my mood and my pain level. No matter the genre, I come away filled with hope and a feeling of renewal.

Psalm100:1-2 tell us to “Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs.” If you happen to pass me on the highway and I look like I’m having a seizure, hopefully I’m just praising my Lord for His goodness. If I swerve to much, please force me to the shoulder and check on your girl.

Prayer. A word that still intimidates me sometimes, until I remember that I can just talk to my friend, Jesus. If you’re eloquent and prefer fancy words, go for it. I’m much more comfortable pouring my heart out to my friend. However your prayers sound or look, just talk to Him. I know that He already knows every single thing about me, but He has told us that He longs for us to seek Him in prayer. He’s literally waiting to hear from us.

Philippians 4:6-7 tells us “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Sometimes I cry out in pain begging for relief. Other times I thank Him for getting me through my latest flare or even one single symptom. Recently, I had the privilege of babysitting our grandson. He is teething so he was fussy. As I rocked him to console him, I realized that he wasn’t the only one being consoled. Singing Jesus Loves Me and praying over his precious little body gave me such peace and joy at a time when his GiGi was actually tired and aching. God meets us where we are if we will simply reach out to him. I do have designated prayer time, but sitting in that rocker praying and singing was a holy experience. No matter the prayer, He gives me peace. He guides me through discernment when I have decisions to be made. He gives me strength to keep going day by day.

Please do not discount the power of intercessory prayer. One of my biggest comforts is knowing that I have strong prayer warriors interceding for me. James 5:14 tells us “Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord;” Whether in person or long distance, anyone can pray on behalf of another human. My prayer family has held me upright when I literally could not stand during a crisis in my life. They continue to pray me down this Fibro path and feeling their support encourages me to stay strong.

Digging Deeper can mean so many thing to different people, but for me it means, scripture, music and prayer for the journey. I will forever be thankful for the gift of faith that I received from the Lord. It’s my strength today and every day.