What Fibro Has Taught Me

First of all, I’m still here. Yes, it’s been quite some time since I posted. Let me just throw out a few familiar words as my explanation: Covid, Life, Fibro, Uninspired… Can anyone relate? Anyway, I’ve had time to do a lot of thinking and learning, so that brings me to this post.
The doctor said the “F”word. I heard it but I certainly wasn’t comprehending my future. I had read just enough to help me relate to a friend and colleague suffering with Fibromyalgia. I had no idea the extent that this chronic illness would invade my life. Boy did I have a lot to learn. My body was teaching me and I had no choice but to listen to it. It was screaming at me from every direction. I also dove into my version of research as a self-proclaimed “Google Doctor”. The internet is full of symptom lists and every possible remedy or cure imaginable. The most frustrating thing is the individuals and companies that prey on Fibro patients’ desperation for relief.
Believe me, I’m encouraged often by well meaning family, friends and even strangers to just keep searching for a cure or to try something they’ve heard about that will “fix me”. I do appreciate their concern, whether it is rooted in lack of understanding and misinformation or in their genuine concern for my future. They cannot fathom the old me accepting a life sentence of daily widespread burning, aching pain, brain fog, fatigue, digestive issues, depression, headaches, sensitivity to scents and light and more. Neither could I upon diagnosis, but the reality is that my chronic illness is not going anywhere.

Lesson 1: There is no cure.
Doctors can prescribe medications to treat individual symptoms. Some of the work for some people, but not for others. I make the choice not to risk my liver again, by depending on maintenance meds. It’s a personal choice for my health and one that each person must make for themselves.This may seem like a defeatist attitude, but it is actually reality and acceptance.
You may find temporary relief in some of the companies’ promises, but the actual chronic illness currently has no cure. After coming to this realization, I moved on to the coping piece of this “F” puzzle.

Lesson 2: Coping is a multi-level approach.
Honestly I’m often a wreck. Sometimes I cry in the fetal position. Sometimes I pull the bedcovers over my head. I share this, not for sympathy, but to say that some days require such a fight, that this is the best that I can do. Yes, these are coping mechanisms just like the following list.
Faith.
Pure grit and toughness.
Counseling
Meditation and deep breathing techniques
A high pain tolerance
Support of family and friends.
Self-reflection.
Gentle exercise when I can tolerate it.
More faith, because in the end, I know who’s in control and it’s not Fibro, my friends. Since this is my blog, I can openly express the level that faith has payed in my daily fight. Trusting God to never leave and to be with me in the good times and the roughest times keeps me always looking to Him. He is my rock and my shield in this fight.
A combination of these methods keeps me fighting every day.

Lesson 3: Chronic illness fighters ARE warriors.
The reference to chronic illness sufferers as warriors seemed at first a bit extreme. After waking each day from a restless night of pain to face a day of the same, I now wear the title Fibro Warrior with pride; not selfish pride, but motivating pride. Pride in the fact that I keep fighting through my circumstances every day.
I titled my blog I Am Not Fibro because Fibro has changed me, but I am still me.

Lesson 4: It’s easy to lose yourself in this fight.
My focus on keeping it together mentally and emotionally and handling the pain makes me more quiet and introverted. The sensitivity to multiple stimuli (light, sounds, smells, and even touch) means that I’m tense almost all of the time. It takes so much of my already depleted energy to keep up the fight.

Lesson 5: Chronic illness warriors are actors and actresses.
I’m not acting sick. In fact, I’m acting well many times when you see me smiling and doing every day activities. I have to work hard not to get hyper focused on dealing with the daily symptoms. It literally feels like my body is fighting itself and I am caught in the crossfire. I find myself withdrawing from conversations, shared activities and even hobbies that should help me relax. Although I appreciate invitations to get together, I may or may not participate when the time comes. I also may need to excuse myself from activities for self-care.

So, yes. I have Fibro. It is chronic and there is no cure. Yes. I am a warrior who fights this every single day. I know I am not alone. I am a card carrying member of the chronic illness society. I don’t share for pity, but to inform and relate to others in my shoes. I honor all Fibro warriors and those of you with different diagnoses, but similar symptoms. No one outside the society can completely understand. However, if you have supportive family members and friends, consider yourself blessed as I do.